I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
