Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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