I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
