My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
