She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
