I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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