Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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