Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
