Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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