We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
