why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Text me some of your sweat
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
