When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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