He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
