For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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