no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she pinky promised me she was 18
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
