also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
