Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
