well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
