Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
