Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
