she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
