fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Are my feet made of real feet?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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