Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
