help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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