I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
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