yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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