in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
