I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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