If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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