my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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