bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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