I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
