Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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