You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
