I puked a lego.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
