of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
