3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
