dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
