dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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