Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just forgot I was standing up.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
