WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
