Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
