i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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