Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
