I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
