peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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