at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
