At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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