Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
