he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
