Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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