Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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