May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
