Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
