4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
True strength comes from lack of pants
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
