I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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